January 2009 Book Club "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch

Hi Everyone,

As a request from one of our book club members, I am making the effort to send out the book club updates in a more timely fashion, that is, earlier than on the day we next meet! Our next meeting will be held at Panera Bread in Butler on Wednesday, February 16 at 6:30 P.M. The book is The Elegant Gathering of White Snows by Kris Radish. As we are familiar with the author already from reading The Sunday List of Dreams, we should be in for a good story.

Last month’s meeting was held at my house on January 14. Those in attendance were Barb, Becky, Cheryl, Christine, Ginnie, Lori, and me. Since Christine brought the video presentation of our book The Last Lecture, we were able to view the author, Randy Pausch, from another perspective. (Although, I apologize for the cacophony my husband made chatting and clattering in the kitchen, therefore, interrupting the end of the video!)

From the start, I was somewhat reticent about the direction Pausch seemed to take with the book. Before I began gathering the life messages he embedded between his own accolades, I was put off by Randy’s apparent arrogance. But then I started getting it. When I live my last days, will I not want to celebrate the great accomplishments of my life? Yes. Like Pausch, it may come off as arrogance, but who cares when the end is near. I will want to shout out that I mattered.

The book supports itself on Pausch’s reality of living his childhood dreams. Within the context of his memoirs, he weaves many of life’s lessons. If we don’t get them, he reminds us at the end. His book or lecture is a “head fake” he says recalling his old football coach. As we connect with many of his stories we are also learning and relearning the most basic elements of living a full and meaningful life. Below is a list of 20 of my favorites quotes from the book; some of them may be on your list , too:

1. "When attending a job interview, have something special to bring to the table. It will make you more welcome and desirable."
2. "When it comes to giving out your wisdom or quoting someone else’s wisdom, people will always be more receptive to hearing the wisdom of someone else."
3. "You have got to get the fundamentals down, or otherwise, the fancy stuff is not going to work."
4. "When you are screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they have given up on you."
5. "If people perceive you as arrogant, it will limit what you will be able to accomplish in life."
6. "People are more important than things."
7. "You don’t repair things if they still do what they are supposed to do."
8. "Time is all you have so delegate tasks because you may find one day you have less time than you think."
9. "Buy new clothes when your old clothes wear out."
10. "The best short cut is the long way which is basically two words: work hard."
11. "Go out and do for others what somebody did for you."
12. "When you go out into the wilderness, the only thing you can count on is what you take with you."
13. "You’re only as good as your word."
14. "A parent’s job is to encourage kids to develop a joy for life and a great urge to follow their dreams. The best we can do is to help them develop a set of personal tools for the task."
15. "No material possessions can make up for a missing parent."
16. "All children need a fabric of people in their lives who love them."
17. "TV is mankind’s greatest time waster."
18. "When we’re connected to others, we become better people."
19. "Everyone has to contribute to the common good. To not do so can be described in one word: selfish."
20. "Sometimes, all you have to do is ask."

As I became more reflective on Pausch’s last lecture, I realized that much of what he said mirrored my husband Tim’s philosophies on living. In one passage, particularly, I really felt like Tim had written the book himself. On page 70, Pausch remembers spending time with his sister’s children. He was the preferred uncle, and when the kids were with their Uncle Randy, there were only two rules:

1. No whining.
2. Whatever we do together, don’t tell Mom.

Not only were these my husband’s exact words when spending time with our children, nieces and nephews, but I really had to recheck the title page when I read p 110. “It’s never to early to delegate,” Randy states while two pictures below the statement show him feeding his daughter a bottle in one and in the second, he has delegated to her the task of feeding herself. It has always been Tim’s belief that children should become as independent as their age will allow. I always thought he was just trying to get out of the extra work that came with having children, but now that our kids are, for the most part, grown, they are reaping the benefits of their father’s wisdom.

Our book club ended with the great key mystery, Lori couldn’t find her car keys. After combing the house and scouring through the cold snow in our driveway, we gave up. It wasn’t until the next day when Becky called upon finding Lori’s keys in her purse. With a club full of post menopausal women, save a few, you never know where anything is going to end up!
I look forward to our next meeting. Although there are no assignments at this time, I may conjure up something that will challenge our minds after I begin reading the book! Enjoy the Super Bowl and I’ll see you soon.

Yours in reading,
Tammy

November 2008 Book Club "Loving Frank" by Nancy Horan

Hi Everyone,

The last official meeting was held on Saturday, November 22 at the China Gourmet restaurant in Butler. Members in attendance were Becky, Ginnie, and me. We discussed the book Loving Frank by Nancy Horan. As I said in my October email, it is easily one of my favorite book club picks. Its greatest attributes were the profound messages embedded in the story. Although the book was fiction, the many historical accounts of the life of Frank Lloyd Wright’s lover Mamah Cheney were authentic. From Horan’s research the reader is treated with a vivid glimpse into the time period of the early 1900’s and the moral battles women faced not only in society but within themselves.

A major theme in Loving Frank stood out as “in the quest for self fulfillment, a person must make hard choices.” Mamah gave up her children, her sister, and her respected position in society to be with the man she loved. She was a maverick of her time. A proclaimed leader in the early days of the women’s rights movement, Mamah was breaking ground for other women who were suffocating in loveless marriages and dismal lives. A passage Horan quoted in her book written by the famous writer Ibsen defined the theme perfectly:

“The proof of a person’s greatness is the power to stand alone, to be able, in every individual case, to make his own choice; in action to write anew his own law, choose his own sacrifices, run his own dangers, win his own freedom, venture his own destruction, choose his own happiness.”

None of us agreed with Mamah’s choices. We believe she was selfish for walking out on her children and cruel for leaving her sister Lizzie to suffer the consequences of her immoral behavior. How can any woman abandon her own flesh and blood? Even Mamah’s mentor Ellen Kay, a famous feminist in Europe at the time, admonished Mamah for her choices in a letter advising, “It has been my belief and expressed philosophy that the very legitimate right of a free love can never be acceptable if it is enjoyed at the expense of maternal love.”

Frank Lloyd Wright was just as selfish as Mamah. Horan depicted him as an arrogant, selfish, and excessive individual. He enjoyed the control he had over people, and nothing seemed to be outside the limits of his control, specifically Mamah. Possibly, if Wright would have been less persistent, Mamah may have remained with her husband and children. Wright also had children of his own, but spent very little time as an active father. As the newspapers headlined stories about Wright’s love affair and financial crises across front pages, like Mamah’s family, Wright’s children and especially his wife suffered the shame he brought upon them.

In concluding my thoughts on Loving Frank, the book compelled me to learn more about the architect. My inquiry sent me to the library where I found many books on his work. While leafing through the pages of Wright’s architectural landmarks at our meeting, we found that Taliesin, the home that Frank had built for himself and Mamah, was very different than we had imagined. Mostly only familiar with our local Wright treasure Falling Water, I guess we imagined it to be perched in a tree, hovering over a brook, or jutting out from a rocky crevice.

So what’s next after January’s read, The Last Lecture? Bring your ideas tonight to book club. It has been several months since a majority of us have been together, so I am looking forward to seeing everyone again and sharing Professor Pausch’s thoughts on living.

Yours in reading,

Tammy