Hi Everyone,
The September Butler Women of Wisdom Book Club met on Wednesday, September 17 at Kairo's Coffee House. Members in attendance were Becky, Ginnie, Cheryl, and myself. It was a small group, but where two or more readers are gathered, book discussions will commence!
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See is a memorable read. Always a "fan" of historic fiction, I gathered many interesting facts about the suffrage of women in the Chinese culture. For example, although I was aware of the Chinese tradition of footbinding, See's book provided the demented details of the process. A quote we found especially shocking explained why men lusted after a woman's bound foot, "The way her heel curves down like a sac with her forefoot pointed out just so will remind her husband of his own member." To say we were flabbergasted to discover that the male obsession with his own penis is at the root of this perverted tradition is an understatement. I am still grossed out by the thought.
Why did Chinese mothers force their daughters to endure the agonizing ritual of footbinding is a question we asked ourselves. As we read, one out of every ten girls died from the footbinding process, or more than half of them were left crippled. Despite this knowledge, mothers dragged their daughters kicking and screaming back and forth across the room everyday until their toes broke off. Although as utterly disturbing as this sounds, our American tradition of castrating our sons at birth is just as perverse. Just as footbinding made Chinese daughters more socially acceptable; in America, castrating the penis's of new born boys is also performed largely for social purposes.
Through the character' Lily, Lisa See educated us in the life cycle of a Chinese woman, and we compared it to our own. From the "hairpinning" years and the "rice and salt" years" to the years of "sitting quietly," we learned how Lily endured the injustices of her gender and grew in wisdom through her mistakes. The transitions from one period of life to another were met with rites of passage, most importantly, the chanting of stories. In her old age, Lily reflects on her past, "I now understand that we learned those songs and stories not just to teach us how to behave but because we would be living out variations of them over and over again throughout our lives." Our club discussed how traditions such as chanting stories are important to a culture. Many of the emotional problems of our children and adults stem from having no preparation for life's adversities. Exposing our children to the realities of the world through stories and song is a custom that has value. Lily learned from the songs how to "do bed business" with her husband, how to perform domestic duties, how to give birth, how to grieve, how to heal...
At the very core of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan is Lily's determination to live properly as a woman in the Confucian society of her country. It was constricting, needless to say, as women were expected to spend their entire lives in "nei" the inner realm of the home. Theirs was a life ruled by the Three Obedience's of Confucious: "When a girl, obey your father; when a wife, obey your husband; when a widow, obey your son." Lily escapes from her gender restrictions through the secret language of women, Nu Shu. By writing messages on the folds of a fan, Lily nurtures a relationship with her "laotong" or "old same" Snow Flower, a girl she is matched to for life. The author shares historical facts on Nu Shu at the end of the book. I was surprised to learn that women kept the language a secret from men for a thousand years! Sadly, most of the Nu Shu artifacts were destroyed by Japanese soldiers in the 1930's. During the Cultural Revolution in the 1960s even more texts were burned by the Red Guard. Only recently has China recognized the value of Nu Shu and has now initiated efforts to preserve the language.
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan was full of worthy quotes. One of my favorites is on page 44. In this passage, Lily's mother and aunt convince her father to allow Lily to have a laotong. Lily responds to their conniving by sharing, "Anyone who says that women do not have influence in men's decisions makes a vast and stupid mistake." I compared this passage to a scene from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. In the scene the mother and aunt are manipulating the father to allow his daughter Toolah to work outside the family business. The mother reassures her daughter that her plan will work by saying, " The man may be the head, but the woman is the neck, and the neck can turn the head any way she wants!"
Another quote from the book I especially connected with was on page 76. In this passage Lily's family is preparing for Elder Sister's wedding. As part of the wedding ritual, the women sing songs and tell stories for 28 days. The custom is called "Sitting and Singing in the Upstairs Chamber." The last day in particular is called the "Day of Sorrow and Worry." On this day the chants and songs become sad and mournful because once a daughter leaves her home to marry, she is only allowed to visit her family one day a year. The song Lily's mother sings for Elder Daughter is a song I felt in my heart when Makenzie left home for college, "Elder Daughter, you were a pearl in my hand. My eyes doubly flood with tears. Twin streams pour down my face." I could have used this song to express my feelings of emptiness during that time.
This email will be posted on our blog: <>. Please respond to any parts of it. I would like to hear your favorite quotes and connections to Snow Flower and the Secret Fan or any of the other books we have read.
Next months meeting will not be at Kairo's Coffee House. We will hold the club at Panera's on Wednesday, October 22 at 6:00 P.M. This meeting will be our four year anniversary as a book club! Let's make it an event. Since Halloween will be just around the corner, what are your thoughts on dressing up as ghouls? After all, the book we are reading Sunshine by Robin McKinley is about "Vampires!" Please send me an email with your ideas on how we can celebrate!
Looking ahead, in November we are reading Loving Frank by Nancy Horan. This is a book about a woman's love affair with the famous architect Frank Lloyd Wright. We are considering a Saturday book club which will be a field trip to Falling Water, one of his famous home designs. I would like to know everyone's level of interest in this idea.
Your companion in reading,
Tammy
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